Kids - there's no explanation sometimes
Children love their parents.
Children of a divorce seem to love the parent they live with more.
My wife has two kids (15 & 19 as of 9/05) that live with their father (long twisted story).
I have a son who turns 18 in Feb of '06 and he lives with his mother.
Why they all think were pond scum is beyond us.
My ex-wife is an angry person who thinks she's being a strong woman but after eleven years (yes, I have the patience of a saint, sez my mom), well she wore me out waiting for the happy person to arrive. I was supportive, caring, generous, and frankly a better parent. I was the soccer-dad because she was too busy chatting online or yelling at her (fill in member of her family here) on the phone.
Debbie's ex is a sadistic prick (SP) who's is actively sacrificing his children's normal adolescence to hurt their mother. A victim of child abuse, my wonderful wife has certain sensitivities (anger, loud noises, disorganization) that I watch for and understand. SP on the other hand, is a Jeckle & Hyde, lying, cheating, weak little man. Here's a snapshot:
Snorted cocaine on his honeymoon, shocking and surprising Deb (no drugs at all)
Got fired from the Post Office for stealing YOUR mail.
DUI.
Is an alcoholic and used meth.
Cheated on Deb twice (that she knows about).
Likes to car shop just so he can get into a fight with salesmen.
Basically a poster child for the "Mean People Suck" bumpersticker.
When SP decided to leave Deb for his girlfriend, Deb fell apart. He offers to take the kids he had not been supporting for a while (what a guy). The transfer wasn't pretty, but she was losing it. A week after she starts to get some peace, she's dragged into court, loses custody, and has to pay almost $700/month child support. Temporary my ass.
Since then, both my ex (who received $1800/month) until she remarried (God help him) and Deb's ex have worked a collaborative campaign to divide us and punish us. We want to make things well for the kids, but that seems to threaten the ex's. Deb's son said he wants us dead, my son said if I try to visit he'll cut his wrist, and the older daughter, while finally maturing, was her father's foremost spy, stealing records, phone numbers, snooping and generally being evil to us to please her dad (I assume).
Here's how he's done with his kids:
The daughter was raped while in his care.
She was forced to live with us because they're arguments had become physical.
She was extremely promiscuous and contracted an STD.
The son is 15 and lives with his girlfriend most weekends.
He's failing school.
He's using drugs.
I'm a little luckier with my son. He's doing good in school and his only vice seems to be video games, but he has anger issues with me because of his mom's edited version of everything that ever happened. However, he wants me completely out of his life, and there's no reason for it.
Sure, these kids may have issues, but the ex's can make it work for all concerned by not wanting to upset the children. By not lying and pounding these stories (that what a surprise, make them look like victims or martyrs every time) into the kids ears. By not using phone calls or visits as a forum to berate us in front of the children.
Tomorrow we have to go to court because Deb's ex is at it again. In 2002, the daughter came to live with us (yeah, I rolled the dice and prayed, but it worked out OK) and we agreed (in writing) to suspend the support as each parent supported a child. We couldn't agree on a support amount because the daughter aged-out of the support order. We asked him to get a court date, and he waited a year to do so (during which time, we voluntarily paid him support. Now he's filed a claim declaring her a deadbeat-mom. He alleges arrearages for the whole time the daughter lived with us, and denies most of the support.
Most of the time, you hear of kids that live with their dad after a divorce and you think "man what's wrong with her?" As long as there are SP's in the world, kids will suffer and non-custodial parents will look like dog crap. In a way, this ties in with my first posting. We don't own this country. We are losing this country to finger-pointers and SP's who are so small and weak that they need to kill their children's future in order to look good to those who know them the least. We know bad people. You know bad people. We don't shun them anymore. They're not driven from the village for the good of the population. That job is solely with the courts. People like SP are only spanked when brought before the system, and the system is too overcrowded to know all the facts and have an effect.
When will we take responsibility?
Be nice.
Children of a divorce seem to love the parent they live with more.
My wife has two kids (15 & 19 as of 9/05) that live with their father (long twisted story).
I have a son who turns 18 in Feb of '06 and he lives with his mother.
Why they all think were pond scum is beyond us.
My ex-wife is an angry person who thinks she's being a strong woman but after eleven years (yes, I have the patience of a saint, sez my mom), well she wore me out waiting for the happy person to arrive. I was supportive, caring, generous, and frankly a better parent. I was the soccer-dad because she was too busy chatting online or yelling at her (fill in member of her family here) on the phone.
Debbie's ex is a sadistic prick (SP) who's is actively sacrificing his children's normal adolescence to hurt their mother. A victim of child abuse, my wonderful wife has certain sensitivities (anger, loud noises, disorganization) that I watch for and understand. SP on the other hand, is a Jeckle & Hyde, lying, cheating, weak little man. Here's a snapshot:
Snorted cocaine on his honeymoon, shocking and surprising Deb (no drugs at all)
Got fired from the Post Office for stealing YOUR mail.
DUI.
Is an alcoholic and used meth.
Cheated on Deb twice (that she knows about).
Likes to car shop just so he can get into a fight with salesmen.
Basically a poster child for the "Mean People Suck" bumpersticker.
When SP decided to leave Deb for his girlfriend, Deb fell apart. He offers to take the kids he had not been supporting for a while (what a guy). The transfer wasn't pretty, but she was losing it. A week after she starts to get some peace, she's dragged into court, loses custody, and has to pay almost $700/month child support. Temporary my ass.
Since then, both my ex (who received $1800/month) until she remarried (God help him) and Deb's ex have worked a collaborative campaign to divide us and punish us. We want to make things well for the kids, but that seems to threaten the ex's. Deb's son said he wants us dead, my son said if I try to visit he'll cut his wrist, and the older daughter, while finally maturing, was her father's foremost spy, stealing records, phone numbers, snooping and generally being evil to us to please her dad (I assume).
Here's how he's done with his kids:
The daughter was raped while in his care.
She was forced to live with us because they're arguments had become physical.
She was extremely promiscuous and contracted an STD.
The son is 15 and lives with his girlfriend most weekends.
He's failing school.
He's using drugs.
I'm a little luckier with my son. He's doing good in school and his only vice seems to be video games, but he has anger issues with me because of his mom's edited version of everything that ever happened. However, he wants me completely out of his life, and there's no reason for it.
Sure, these kids may have issues, but the ex's can make it work for all concerned by not wanting to upset the children. By not lying and pounding these stories (that what a surprise, make them look like victims or martyrs every time) into the kids ears. By not using phone calls or visits as a forum to berate us in front of the children.
Tomorrow we have to go to court because Deb's ex is at it again. In 2002, the daughter came to live with us (yeah, I rolled the dice and prayed, but it worked out OK) and we agreed (in writing) to suspend the support as each parent supported a child. We couldn't agree on a support amount because the daughter aged-out of the support order. We asked him to get a court date, and he waited a year to do so (during which time, we voluntarily paid him support. Now he's filed a claim declaring her a deadbeat-mom. He alleges arrearages for the whole time the daughter lived with us, and denies most of the support.
Most of the time, you hear of kids that live with their dad after a divorce and you think "man what's wrong with her?" As long as there are SP's in the world, kids will suffer and non-custodial parents will look like dog crap. In a way, this ties in with my first posting. We don't own this country. We are losing this country to finger-pointers and SP's who are so small and weak that they need to kill their children's future in order to look good to those who know them the least. We know bad people. You know bad people. We don't shun them anymore. They're not driven from the village for the good of the population. That job is solely with the courts. People like SP are only spanked when brought before the system, and the system is too overcrowded to know all the facts and have an effect.
When will we take responsibility?
Be nice.
posted by deanlilja at
1:42 PM
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